Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Take My Life and Let It Be

I started a blog post about my Thanksgiving break, I will get it done and post it. I just wanted to blog about something else first.

Sometimes I want to do what my turtle Shells does - retreat into myself and put my walls up and not deal with the painful stuff that may or may not happen. Right now something I have been praying about is entirely in God's hands and I just have to trust Him. I want to put the walls up so I can keep my heart from getting hurt. It's my way of protecting myself. It's easier to just do that than to risk the hurt that could possibly come (or it may not - I don't know what God is going to do). I do things like listen to music that gets me in touch with my native Californian ways. It puts me in my happy place and I don't have to think about stuff. Like right now I am listening to California Love. Yep I have a TuPac song on my mp3 player lol. That is not the only get your dance on song I have on my mp3 player - I also have Mo Money Mo Problems :) It always makes me think of when my sister and my brother-in-law were living in their rental house in Los Osos and Jason loved that song. I always think of when he would get ticked off at Falcon Cable and make out the check to Falcon f*&%$# Cable (he would put the actual word in there lol. Another thing I like to do when I put the walls up around my heart is I like to go for a drive. If I could I would get in the car and head west to California and go walk along the beach. It is my favorite spot in the entire world. I love listening to the ocean waves crash up onto the shore. I love the sounds and smell of the ocean and the whole atmosphere. I used to dream of having a home by the ocean, but alas California is a tad expensive. But even though I may not ever have a house on the beach, I do plan on doing my room (when I have a bigger place) in a cape cod theme. I have a cd with ocean waves on it and it is nice to put it on at night sometimes and pretend I am living near the ocean. Or I think back to things that make me laugh - like some of my accidents (they are down right funny lol) or some crazy fun times at Cal Baptist or at conventions (Owen falling out of bed still makes me laugh after all these years).

But you know what I realize that I can't keep putting the walls up. I just have to keep on keepin' on. I have to continue on this great adventure of faith and see where God leads me and what He does with my life. It's funny I had so many songs in my head during the night - one of the songs we sang in church on Sunday morning was one of them. I didn't realize it was a Chris Tomlin song. It's kind of a twist on the hymn Take My Life and Let It Be. Whatever Gid has planned for my life I just have to keep trusting Him. Let things happen in His time. It is not easy especially when you are in the midst of praying for things that you want to happen in your life - like a full time job as a college counselor and for my future husband. But I will trust Him no matter what. I want to see how God molds me and shapes me.

Enjoy the video and sing along with it and raise your hands to God in praise for how He loves you and is with you no matter what you go through. You don't have to put up walls around your heart. Let them fall down and let God bring comfort to you.

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