Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I Surrender All

My church is in a 6 week church wide study of the book of James. The sermon series is called Wii Fit - about getting spiritually fit and staying that way. Each week we are looking at a different theme. There are books to purchase for $3 that have the personal devotions in it, as well as what is talked about in small groups. There is also a family table talk you can do with your family (let me see considering my small group is a singles group and none of us have kids except one with foster kids we found that one hard - although I did ask if I could gather my cats around me and have a talk lol). Anyway, this week's study is a hard one - humility. On Monday night I did the devotion and it asked you to list three areas where you have pride in and three problem areas - I was thinking yeah I am not very prideful. Umm think again. God has a funny way of pointing some things out to you.

Let me see yesterday not so good in the oh I didn't realize I was like this. Let me list a few.

1. When I am not a happy camper when the library computer lab is closed and I let them know it. II can easily justify as to why I should be an unhappy camper, but you know I really shouldn't be - I should just roll with the flow.
2. My friend Melissa one time pointed out that I am negative a lot and complain about things from work - I can also justify this, but I should just be happy I have the work that I do and enjoy the challenges.
3. When I have to keep pressing an issue where I know I am right about it (did this yesterday when talking to my friend Melissa - she said Frisco was south of Plano - I knew it wasn't, but you know just let her think that and not argue about it).
4. Being resistant and stubborn to things - especially with the job hunt process. I probably shouldn't just be all I want to do this specific thing. I should just look at this as an adventure (I am on the great faith adventure after all) and be excited about what I will do next. I have certainly done a lot of interesting things these past few years and got to even teach elementary music without having to be a music major :) This also includes the geographic location of where I am at. Yes I might want to be able to stay here for just a little while longer because I do love my church I am at and would hate to leave, but you know if God wants me to move I have to be obedient to that.

But then I sometimes think, isn't it okay to have a dream? Maybe some of these things are in my heart for a reason. I love working with college students and I want to be able to work with them in a student services position. I have never completely enjoyed the teaching aspect of things, I have always enjoyed the counseling/advisor side of things. And what is wrong with wanting to stay at my church a little longer? I really like it and I just got there. I am not ready to leave. And what is wrong with the dream of Nashville? Maybe God is moving in my life to get me there when the time is right. But I shouldn't argue with someone about it and I have done that. I should just know that they are inserting their two cents worth because they care.

So this is what is going on the past few days in the great faith adventure of my life. It is a hard place to be at times. And I want to change and be positive. Sometimes it is not easy. But then I know God understands and He knows and He can take the times when I am frustrated with things and when I have yelled. But still I don't want to be negative. I want to be my happy go lucky self. Although sometimes the fire is hard on you. I have felt like I have been through the fire at Hill College. It hurts.

Today's video is Mercy Me singing I Surrender All. Kind of has a countryish feeling to it. Like you want to praise the Lord and eat some biscuits and gravy while you are doing it :)

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