I Give Myself Away

So I wrote a blog entitled Fix You which is a song by Coldplay I thought that song is kind of applicable to a situation in my life. I am praying for this teacher at the school that I work at that is on leave right now. For God to use me in his life to bring him to Christ. For me to be the light and hope and love of Christ in his life. Well after thinking some more about the lyrics to that song and listening to it a gazillion times, I have decided that while I like the melody of the song the lyrics are sucky. They are sucky in that no human being can fix another human being. My sweet friend Heather in Nashville (she is married to Carlos Whittaker) reminded me that I can not save this teacher and I cannot heal him. Only God can do that. What I can do is be the hope, light and love of Christ in his life.

My heart breaks for him. He is not in a good place. I am driven to my knees in prayer for him and have wept over him and what he is going through. Why? Because I truly believe with all my heart that God is up to something. What I have no idea. I cannot see the future. I can only see the now and I know that I am to pray for him and in time be the hope. love and light of Christ to him that he so desperately needs.. God did some awesome things this week that I am going to be forever grateful for. On Tuesday I was able to pay for some medication for him that he was in need of. He gave me a big hug as he was touched and so very grateful for what I did. Two hugs actually and I have now coined a term for them inspired by my fraternity brother Ethan who passed away in March of 2013. I feel for Ethan's parents and brother and the valley that they have had to walk through, but am grateful that they have a strong faith in God and have been able to lean on him. It has been amazing to see what God has done in their lives because of it. The other thing that happened was that I was able to get him out of the house on Saturday. We met up in person and went for an hour long walk with his sweet little dog Ninja. We talked the whole time and I felt like this was just the beginning and that the road might be a long one (I hope not. God is going to have give me a lot of strength and perseverance to make it down this road because already it is not an easy one). The things that happened this week made me very glad that Nashville did not work out Because if it had, I would ever have met this teacher. God is up to something. Not in my life, but in his life. I have to stay praying and on my knees and allow God to do what needs to be done so I am prepared for the day that I get to sit down with him and point him to Jesus. He needs Jesus. I do not want him to ever leave this earth without knowing Jesus. If he did he would really be in some suffering. He already is a tormented soul on this earth. Eternity will be worse and there is no going back. God use me please so his life can be turned around and he can be made whole through the redemptive blood of Christ. Hear my cries Lord. Hear my cries.

I listened to the sermon on Living Out the Gospel in the Lives of Others. A few times actually. My pastor said that it was not going to be easy, It would cost us some time, it would cost us some labor, it would cost us some emotion. It certainly is doing that. And yes I am out of my comfortable place (the last time this happened was when I was teaching in the jail - definitely out of my comfort zone. Hello elementary certified teacher teaching men in prison). We are going to have to step into their word. My neighbor who is not a Christian thinks should leave him be and help from a distance. That this is toxic. I totally disagree (although at this time I am back to no contact and praying. Long story). There would be times when we would get hurt when we step into the lives of people whose lives are messy. That happened yesterday when I asked him an innocent question and it stressed him out and then sent him an encouraging text this morning and he lashed out at me. Which is why I am back to no contact. I am praying that God will break through to him even though he is not a Christian and that he will reach out to me. He knows I will be there for him if he reaches out. I am praying that I will be able to sit down with him not just once, but for however long it will take to get him to the place where his eyes are opened to his need for a Savior. He has no idea that I am a born again Christian, He has no idea about what I am praying for, Not simply for him to pull out of the mental and emotional prison that he is in, but so much more. The world does not understand. The world says leave it alone. God says otherwise. Even if I have to go back to no contact, God says push into Him and pray and pray and pray. Things will change. I will become stronger that is for sure and my trust in God will grow. And I will have to believe that things will change for the person being prayed for,

Today we sang a song in the service which was awesome by the way. Pastor Mike got to pray with a drug dealer. How awesome is that! I would say it makes me wish that I was back teaching in the jail because of the opportunities that I had to share Christ with others, but no not so much. I am where I need to be, God has me in my mission field right where I am at and He will bring people into my path, Which He has already. I just have to stay strong in the Lord. On my own I am not strong, but with Christ I am. I lean on my God for strength like David did. The song was I Give Myself Away.

"I Give Myself Away / Yes"

[Chorus:]
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

[Verse 1:]
Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I'm longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
I give myself away

[Verse 2:]
Take my heart
Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands

[Chorus:]
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

[Chorus:]
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
[7x]

Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God, You're altogether
lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me.

[Bridge (7X):]
My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to You

[Chorus:]
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me